Past Tense Living

Walk and talk with me for a second: 

Think of the last time you received a “We need to talk” text.
What happened in your brain the second you read it?

• Oh shit, what did I do?

• This person hates me now.

• You know what, I never told them how much it hurt me when they did x, so I’m gonna bring that up when we talk because if they’re ending this, I deserve to tell them how hurt I was.

• Also, who sends a text like that?! I’m so relieved I’m getting out of this relationship now because do I even want to be friends with someone who would break up with me over text?!

All of that came to you in seconds without any conscious effort; your brain saw a single fact and made up a tidy narrative to explain it to you.

It delivered you a story and, in that story, protection against whatever may (or may not be) coming. 

Your brain loves a story--literally: when it constructs a narrative, it triggers a chemical reaction that causes you to feel calm. It has presented you with an imagined threat and your defense, so you can breathe deeper knowing that you’ll be okay. You’re prepared. 

But the one thing your beautiful brain doesn’t know how to do is distinguish present tense from past tense. Hey, it does a lot of wonderful stuff, too--but without mindfulness and concerted effort & repeated questioning over time, it has no idea if what it’s telling you is true now—in the present tense.

Past tense thinking & living feels like dragging a busted suitcase bursting with beliefs and labels behind you at all times, and most of those beliefs haven’t been interrogated for years. Every day it gets heavier and you stay exhausted from trying to move forward, fighting the inertia of your suitcase trying to knock you on your ass. 

Here’s the thing: you can stop.

You can drop the handle of the suitcase, unzip that sucker & look at what’s in there. You can decide what gets thrown away and what is going to make the trip forward with you. I won’t say it isn’t scary, but that’s why I’m here. The first step in my process for working with folks is Identify: 

We identify and unpack all of the thoughts, ideas, labels, and beliefs we have about ourselves & others, then trace them to their origins. We have to be able to see where and from whom these things came to be able to decide if we think they’re accurate or if we’d like to drop them.

If you’re getting tired of living, thinking, and believing in past tense, Maybe You’re A Writer is open for enrollment now!