Your knowing > Their Opinions
I knew I wanted to be a writer & teacher when I was six, writing poems about Christmas trees in my yard on a plastic sled in mid-July.
Words and stories were My Thing; people were hard to predict, but stories were steadfast and only asked that I sit and listen.
At 18, I walked into my first college English class and said, “I’m majoring in English and I’m going to be a college professor.” You say things like that when you’ve believed them for 12 years.
When my professor returned my first writing assignment, he slid it in front of me face down. The last page was covered, front & back, in red ink. Everyone saw it and didn’t bother pretending they didn’t, smugly satisfied that the proud little English major was being humbled.
He’d written on every page, asking questions like “What does this even mean??” He crossed out entire paragraphs.
I went to his office hours every week to ask for feedback, not insults, but all he would say was, “I don’t think you’re going to make it as an English major.”
No explanation.
His opinion > my knowing.
I can see every one of his insults on my work and it’s been 18 years since he deigned to let me pass his class (his words). I became an English major. I went to get an advanced degree and a half, and I’ve been teaching for 12 years. I have lived experience that says he was wrong, but I still sometimes have to convince myself. To remember.
——
You know how I feel about the education system based on both experience and research, but let me repeat this:
Every client I’ve worked with has had a teacher tell them “You’re just not cut out to be a writer” or “You’ll never make it as a writer.” Every single one. Chances are, you have this same scar that has fundamentally altered your self-perception. Your knowing.
Listen: They were wrong.
They want you to stay ashamed and silent about their violence, but you’re going to name it. Call it exactly what it is, then lay it down. Drop it at their feet. Don’t carry it on your back for one more second.
You don’t have to keep believing systems designed to strip you down & sell you for parts.
You can allow yourself to believe that Maybe You’re A Writer.
